Thought Volleys

Tonight my thoughts are kind of all over the place....bouncing around in my head trying to escape into the stillness of the evening.  I suppose I should let them out....

A lot of what is on my mind has to do with my mom.  Oh I don't really even want to get into the whole story.  It's long.  But the recent events can be relayed.  

My mom wanted to have my kids spend the night.  She is newly married to a man that she met on the internet not even a full 2 years ago.  I have not been in his presence very many times.  I don't know him.  I told her that I wasn't going to allow them to spend the night with him.  My husband and I are very protective and just not comfortable with it.  I was very nice and told her why.  She got mad, which is understandable I suppose.  But she doesn't try to understand.

Then a comment was made to a friend of mine about children growing up to be mean.  They are mean on purpose and it gets worse the older they get.  She also will call my sister to get information about me and what she thinks is my miserable life or she flat-out lies about me to my sister.  After I saw the comment I decided it was time to let her know how I felt.

I prayed and prayed.  The message that I sent to her was done under direct guidance from the Holy Spirit.  It was very nice and Christian.  She did not take it that way and has not spoken to me since I sent it yesterday.  I understand that she is hurt.  But she has told my sister things that a mother should not say about her daughter.

Since she got the letter yesterday she also got mad at my sister because she was not supposed to share the lies that were told about me or the comments made about me.  I was very hopeful that she would sit back and think about this with an open mind.  But after knowing what I know, it's obvious that she won't change.  She is just mean and vindictive.  I think that I am going to have to just stop all contact.

This all hurts.  She thinks that I want her to die right now.  That I don't care.  But I do.  She's my mom!  Who doesn't love their mom and want things to be right between them?  But on the other hand, I know she lies constantly.  She is constantly negative and rude to people.  She's a bad influence on my children.  Her behavior and attitude lots of times embarrasses me.  I don't necessarily want to lose my mom, but in lots of ways I don't want to have her in my life either.  

I feel such a great peace though.  After I sent the letter to her it was like a thousand pounds being lifted off of my chest!  I can breath!  I will never allow myself to be under her power like that again!  Things will be different between us now, as they have been since she pulled a fit a couple of years ago.  

In light of that, I am thankful that the Lord led me to my church three years ago and I met my Spiritual Mother.  She is my mom in many ways, just not blood.  She even calls me daughter.  

Anyways, I know that I am strong enough to handle whatever becomes of this.  And if my mom apologizes I will forgive her, but as I said before, things won't be the same.